Kyle McCoy was 25 years old. Most of us expect to be here for roughly 100 years. But what if our lives weren’t measured by time at all, but instead by how much we loved each other, by the moments that at the time seem small but add up, and measured by the way in which we spent our time here no matter how short or how long it is. In that way, Kyle lived a very full life, rich with love, rich with beautiful friends, a family like none we’ve ever met, and full of experiences that made his life perfect in every way.
Kyle was a pretty quiet guy, but he surprised you with his wit and big personality that he showed only to those closest to him. When in large groups he was a polite observer who mostly stood back and took an experience in. But when everyone was gone he would likely be found playing his guitar, laughing and telling stories, or playing the one song he knew on the piano, “Don’t stop Believin’” playing only the important bars, of course.
Kyle was always a goal setter... he would set a goal and then do it. He set goals for every single thing he did. One winter break during college when he had no current academic goals, he decided to set a goal to watch every single movie that Netflix had to offer. His sister Megan said, he sat there for days checking the movies off one after another.
Megan and Kyle were born 5 years apart, and she was such a sweet big sister mom to him. She took care of him often when he was little, and even in high school when a teacher sent him home with coloring homework that he thought was really stupid busy work, she offered to do it for him, and he would bring it up still from time to time and thank her for doing his coloring homework.
When he had his first eye surgery Megan made him a cake shaped like an eye ball, complete with red frosting for gruesome effects that said, “eye can see clearly now”. He appreciated that.
As a kid, Megan and Denny said that they could easily find where he had been by the little piles of candy wrappers left on the dryer, or even the empty wrappers he would put back into the bag after he ate them.
Megan and Kyle had a close relationship always, and as they grew older a friendship evolved between them that was sacred to both of them. It was always obvious as an observer how much Megan adored him and admired him.
Tony and Kyle had their own unique relationship as well. Tony coincidentally had a job site near IU when Kyle went there. So they would go out from time to time, just the two of them enjoying a few beers. Tony, recalling that moment when you go from only being able to cook from a box to having a dish or two in your cooking arsenal, said that Kyle learned to make an elaborate Taco ring out of pilsbury croissants. So they had a running joke for all occasions where Kyle would say, “I’ll bring the taco ring.”
By far Kyle’s favorite role had become that of being Teddy’s uncle. Alex and Kyle drove down to see Megan in the hospital the day Teddy was born which meant the world to Megan, and they spent time alone together in the hospital room, as siblings celebrating the birth of their first nephew.
Megan said at first Kyle didn’t know what to do with a baby. How to hold him, respond or react to him, but as he got to know Teddy, he became a natural uncle. Enjoying all of the joy that goes along with having his sisters baby to play with.
There are so many precious photos and videos of him playing with Teddy... laughing and loving him. Teddy loved it when Kyle would play the guitar for him. He would play it for him constantly, and Teddy would play it with him. Teddy and Kyle found great joy in playing the guitar together.
Teddy couldn’t quite pronounce Kyle so he called him Taco. His favorite food Kyle said, “Tio Taco... perfect!” And that’s the name Teddy will keep for him forever.
Alex and Kyle had a sibling rivalry during most of their childhood that Alex describes as brutal. They had memorable fights over ridiculous things like who was better at Halo, that would result in Kyle’s head through the dry wall, or a broken table, and even a broken rib. Kyle brought that one up all the time, even as recently as this summer, teasing Alex by saying, “What? Are you gonna break my rib?”
The fighting never stopped them from pranking their sister though, and coming up with elaborate schemes to make her really really mad. One of their best ones was the time she came out of the bathroom and stepped on a whoopee cushion that they had strategically placed under a rug to tip them off that she was coming.
They were hiding behind her bed, with camera ready, so that when she turned on the ceiling fan light fixture all of her bras hanging from the fan blades went flinging around the room, and they captured the moment with a Polaroid and ran laughing from the room celebrating, and high fiving their amazing prank mastery.
As the years passed for Alex and Kyle, and college came and beyond, their relationship quickly changed from competitors, to friends, to true brothers, where the hugs became real, and the bond between them became unalterable.
Together now almost daily, their friend groups became interchangeable, they golfed together often with their dad, and they spent many of their Sunday’s with their core group watching football at a Milwaukee bar. Alex said that they haven’t even had an argument in several years, and that one day the fighting just stopped, and a deep and real friendship grew between them.
Living in the same city for the past couple of years has been an amazing chapter in their lives. Natalie said that Kyle always said he was their third wheel, but Natalie said it was so the opposite, as she was always ‘their’ third wheel. Alex and Kyle had a banter and a whole language they would use that was hilarious and entertaining for Natalie and anyone who was lucky enough to have a front row seat.
Inside jokes (don’t ask me I am just supposed to say these phrases):
‘Move to your rhythms’
‘But she’s loyal’
‘Precious in his sight’
and my personal favorite, ‘bitch ate my shrimp’
They also had a knack for constant non stop voice impressions, a clear gift from their father, imitating Scooby-Doo, Cosby, Christopher Walken, Jack Nicholson, Herbert the Pervert, and News Reporter from Family Guy. But if one of them got the impression a little bit off, the other one would mock the impression, with an impression of the bad impression. This would go on for hours between them.
Natalie and Kyle had their own relationship that had really become close especially when they all lived in the same apartment building in Milwaukee. She was pretty good at getting him to open up to her about things, and once he did open up, she became his confidant match making sister, texting dating scenarios and “how does this sound”, and “what should I do?”, and they called her the perfect wing woman for him, because she could go and talk to girls when they were out for him, and figure out if they had what it was going to take to capture his heart.
A couple of years ago Alex, Natalie, and Kyle were sitting around together and as a joke decided to create a fake Hinge Profile (dating sight) for Kyle. They put some ridiculous photo of Kyle standing next to a flag pole that said “This is a picture of me and a flagpole.... I cropped my grandma out.” And another silly photo of him with his mom, so he looked like a mommas boy.
He wrote ridiculous statements like, “I changed my mind about Anti Vaxxing.” And the ever popular, “I can fit 8 peeps into my mouth at one time.”
They thought it was hilarious, but the unexpected happened, and some cute young nurses commented and said things like, “I could talk about AntiVaxxing all night long.” And a bunch of other cute on lookers liked and commented which made Kyle rethink the whole fake profile thing.
So on Friday night, the last night the three of them were together, they began to create a real Hinge profile for Kyle. A fun night they won’t ever forget, Natalie remembering it as the first night Kyle called her “my sister in law” to someone, and even though they aren’t yet married, Kyle felt he would bring her one step closer to him.
Family vacations and road trips have always been a huge part of the McCoy family tradition. Even this past summer they all vacationed together, and had a wonderful time. They wanted to share one hilarious road trip story that they bring up all the time.
They had been exhausted from a long drive, and stopped at a Wendy’s drive through for lunch. They were all crabby, but none more exasperated than Denny, who could never understand the family’s need to look at every drive through menu, because they should have had it all memorized by now.
Rushed, they all placed their orders, and as an after thought, Kyle said, “Oh and dad, can you add a nugget?”
“Can I get a nugget?” Denny barked into the speaker.
So they drove away, and from the back seat Kyle calls out, “Seriously??? There’s one nugget in here!”
So back around they drove, picking up 4 more nuggets, and Megan wanted a Frosty so they got that. And as they pulled out for the second time, Ana proclaimed in a quiet voice, “I want a frosty.” So Denny drove back a third time, tells the girl “It’s us again!” they laughed so hard, and still do whenever they talk about it.
The family’s final night together with Kyle, was just a couple of weeks ago at Josh Wruck’s wedding. They had a wonderful time with Kyle in particular, dancing with his mom and sister, he was just so happy. Ana was happy and surprised that they had danced together so much, as she said they had never really done that before. Megan said he knew every single lyric to every song they danced to. An unforgettable night that each of them will always cherish.
Kyle had so many amazing friends and family members that it took a Herculean effort to try to find them all from every corner of the globe. And so many of you have cut trips short, traveled far and wide to be here. Last night, over 600 people came to pay their respects to Kyle and his family. Speaking on behalf of Denny, Ana, Megan, Alex, Tony, and Natalie, we can not thank you enough for your outpouring of love and friendship.
One friend wrote a comment on Megan’s FB post that struck me, the comment read, “Everyone who knew Kyle loved him, and he was just such a purely good guy. I feel like every memory I have with him is a good one.” That is a huge statement to say about a person. It encapsulates everything that he was for all of us.
Kyle never was one for negativity or drama, and it couldn’t exist around him because it wasn’t a part of him. He was like a shield for it, and had a way of making everything that seemed dramatic to someone else funny. I think people felt safe with him because of that. He brought comfort somehow, because he never doubted that everything was okay, and in this way you felt okay too.
Kyle had a quiet elegance that felt easy, and he never had to say a lot to give you the sense that there isn’t really a whole lot to worry about. People were drawn to him in large part because whenever you were with him life was simply good.
There are so many things to say about this family of five.
There are close families, and then there are the McCoys. It’s easy to think that this moment in their lives would stop them in their tracks, and it has. We may think, that things like this shouldn’t happen to people like them. But the prevailing feeling when you walk through their door today isn’t even close to the doom and gloom one might expect to find there now.
There is palpable sadness, their hearts are shattered, but every time we enter their home, the feeling there remains the same. Oneness, love, hope, grace, faith, joy, and gratitude still live here and is perfectly in tact. The addition of grief lives here now too, but because it comes from the foundation of so many consistent years of oneness, of love, hope, grace, faith, joy, and gratitude that built this family of five, now growing with the addition of Tony and Teddy, baby to be, and our wonderful Natalie.
Grief now lives amongst all of them, but these amazing people, this strong family, never expecting or wanting to show us any of this. Were somehow and suddenly chosen to step up, and indeed they have. Each one of them continuing to be a beacon of beautiful not broken. All of us knowing the days ahead are arduous for them, they will hold tight to their faith, that although Kyle is not physically with them here, his presence is perfectly held within each one of them.
I had a day dream, I was shown five perfect points of light going up into the sky, radiating a perfect bond of love that was forever and timeless. The kind of love no human death could break, or change, or make imperfect in any way.
This wonderful family, that we all so admire, made it as easy for him to be Kyle, as it was to be a member of five. Easy for him to live a great life, to make his way here in 25 perfect years, with the knowing that oneness, love, joy, hope, grace, faith, gratitude, and even grief is what living a beautiful life is.
That whether one lives for a moment, for 25 years, or for 100... love is infinite and timeless, and no loss of our human experience here can change, break, or take that away from any of us.
We never would have asked Kyle or his family to have taught us this, but yet they have, and in perfect Kyle fashion, in his quiet but sure way, he will continue to teach us to live now, to live in the small, funny, and sweet details that we all remember. Kyle reminds us to spread oneness, love, joy, grace, faith, gratitude, and hope in all of the days that each of us have the privilege of living.
